Monday, April 28, 2003


Warning: This blog is going to be a mess.

I'm so confused. Is Madonna's new album "American Life" good or not? Someone did a google search for "intertextual blogspot" and I'm obsessing that it's a friend of mine, who found out accidentally about my blog, and is now reading it, and I have to squelch myself. Don't you love the word "squelch?" I also like "sketchy" right now. They've both got that squelchy sketchy sound to it. I'm so happy that geekslut's non-surgical operation went well! Actually, doesn't squelch sound like that other word, the one that has to do with sexual fetishism? I think I've discovered a new literary mechanism, one in which you comment on your writing, while you're writing. Talk about trend-setting! Write this down in the history books. I did it before you, "clumsy twirler," you trend-setter! Actually, I'm so illiterate that I probably don't know it's been done before. Is it possible to describe in writing a person's voice? Take the sexy voice of "cool relax," who's blessed us twice with audio blogs. A slight middle American accent. Almost southern, but not quite. His voice is so "cool and relaxed." I imagine that if he got really angry, he'd sound like he's lounging in a hot tub with a chichi. There's a drawl that happens. The way he drawls out certain words, and de-emphasizes others. It makes me hold onto every word, because it's said so differently than a Canadian. He uses the 3:5 rule. Every third sentence in five contains slang. "Fella's" is a new one on me. I've heard "buddy, mate, bloke, guy," but I think "fella's" is a middle American thang. Talking about the New Mexican outback as a "ghetto" would require linguists to write a 20-page paper - it's so complicated. And don't you think * (a blogger) is so self-congratulatory? He's not typical of Canadians, let me just tell you. What other quippy things can I write about? How many more people can I offend? I'm avoiding talking about myself, because if I told you what's really happening with me, you wouldn't believe it. I'd like to write about it, but I'm paranoid, because someone did a google search for my site. Okay, I'll tell ya "fellas." I picked up this chick and guy on Saturday night. I brought them back to my place. The guy is very sweet - blond and cute in a skateboarder kind of way. Tall. He took off his shirt in my living room and layed on the floor. He was eager to show me his goods. I rubbed his tummy. It was hairy, in an intelligently organized kind of way. The hairs flowed in a creative, circular manner. I found out they are heroin addicts, from wealthy and healthy homes. The girl is named "Trinity," like the actor from Burnaby who's in the Matrix. She's gorgeous, blond, athletic and a heroin addict. The skateboarder guy went into the washroom to shoot up. I was talking with Trinity. He left. Trinity stayed behind. She's still here, sleeping on the couch right now. I have to get her into a detox program. She's taught me not to trust druggie street people. They operate on different morals. Fuck. It's easier to blog than to deal with reality. Here's a new t-shirt phrase for you, clumsy twirler - "Blogging is more real than life." Send me the royalties.

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