Saturday, May 03, 2003

High school confidential

I'm over my self-pity at the moment. I don't apologize for it. They were authentic feelings. Feelings that make me human, worth loving and reinforce that I am a deeply caring person. I'd be concerned if I didn't have moments like my last blog. Enough said.

Things are looking up! I may have a new HUGE contract to work on, which would get me through the next four months - especially the two months when I have the summer off as a teacher.

And Mr. Rastafarian came by again today to take a second look at my place. He likes it, and he's going to be my new roommate as of June 1. Yeah! He's a cutie. Not my type sexually, but a sweet guy. He does yoga and swims with the Vancouver gay swim team. I think I'll be totally at home with him.

I got back some evaluations from my last term. It's pretty strange you know, these evaluations. I hate them and think they're unscientific. From my Saturday class, who hardly spoke during the whole term, I got 4.8 and 4.8 out of 5.0 for the course and me as a teacher. But my Thursday night class, who seemed to love me, I only got 3.8/4.1. At the end of my Thursday night class, everyone shook my hand saying how much they learned and enjoyed the class, yet I got the worst evaluation from them. My Saturday class hardly said a word to me as they left, and yet they gave me nearly perfect points. I don't get it.

I teach my class exactly the same way, every time, so I don't know why there would be such a huge division of opinion. One time, I loved teaching a class, had a great time and the students were totally engaged. I got a horrible evaluation from them. Other times I teach classes where no one seems to enjoy themselves, I hate teaching them, and get a brilliant evaluation. I feel like taking action on the college to find a better evaluation method.

One thing I think they should do is evaluate the evaluations according to the grade the student ends up with. What I find is... the students who get the highest grades enjoy the class and my instruction the most. Those who do more poorly evaluate my class and me more poorly. After five years of teaching, this is my experience. There are those less talented, so they don't learn as much and complain more. And then there are those who are talented, learn a lot, and complain much less.

I always have gorgeous, intelligent and brilliant women in my class. It's really a shame I'm not straight. I'd be happily married by now. It's more rare that I find a brilliant sexy guy in my class who I'm attracted to. One woman in my class is so gorgeous, vivacious, smart, sexy and engages me with wonderful conversation, that I nearly want to jump her bones. The tiny straight part of me just wants to cling and jump into her and share my life with her. She's the kind of girl you want to hold while she talks to you, because it's an extension of the way you feel about her. But I'm gay, and it doesn't work that way.

Maybe... just maybe... if she dominated me, forced me into embarrassing situations where I'd have my clothes off with a girl... I wonder. Maybe if she threw me around, said, "Stop being a whoosy, get those clothes off and let me suck your cock, boy. You don't know what you're missing with a pussy," I'd consider being straight. If she fucked me back as I fucked her, hmmm... I like it when a woman says, "I'm going to fuck YOU, boy. Don't think you're dominating me." Maybe I need to hire a dominatrix to have my first straight sexual experience? It would be way more simple being straight. I always meet gorgeous women who are worth having a long term relationship with. I just never meet men like this. If anyone has advice, I'd love it if you e-mailed me. Should I hire a female dominatrix just for the experience?

Nevertheless, I do have three cute guys in my classes. Unfortunately I'm not entirely sexually attracted to them, but I do like their personalities. They look me straight in the face, hang onto my every word, ask questions. They're very cute, but too thin. Maybe I should say four guys. The one guy who is obviously a genius, and looks like Chrisonomicon, is too unimpressed with me for words. He's always two steps ahead of me. I'm unable to make him laugh. I seriously wonder if anyone ever impresses him. It must be hard to be a genius, because you're rarely stimulated. I really don't think I've met any student as bright as him.

But this one guy, who's actually from Iraq, is surprisingly sexy. He makes comments that are very insightful and unique. He's got a very cute boyish face, and handsome masculine forearms. I checked him over more thoroughly in today's class, and he's got something going on, you know? He doesn't make me intimidated, like the other guy in last term. Instead, I feel like squeezing him.

Enough of "High School Confidential," by Rough Trade. (By the way, I loved that song in my teens.)

Here's the lyrics for all of you boys who are too young to remember it:

She's a cool blonde scheming bitch
She makes my body twitch
Walking down the corridor
You can hear her stilettos click
I want her so much I feel sick
The girl can't help it
She really can't help it now
It's like high school high school confidential
High school high school confidential

Teenage Brandos stalk her in the halls
They tease her with cat calls
She's a combination Anita Ekberg Mamie Van Doren
Dagmar high school confidential, high school
High school confidential

What's the principal doing with her
Who's that guy, is he screwing with her
What's her perfume? Tigress by Faberge
It makes me cream my jeans when she comes my way
High school high school confidential
High school high school confidential

She drives a candy pink Cadillac
If I don't get her soon I'll have a heart attack
When she flashes me a look
I wanna burn my books
Give up high school
High school confidential

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