Hi. It's already been a week since I last blogged, I see. I've had a very stressful, horrible week. So awful, in fact, I don't want to talk about it. And today, the first day of summer, I'm depressed. I wasn't earlier today (I had a great day) - but then this evening it hit me, an hour before I was supposed to go out with friends. I cancelled.

It was three years ago that I met BC. I met him on the first day of summer three years ago. So this 'anniversary' is making me feel nostalgic, sad, and all that. I've cried a little. Okay, maybe a lot. It was BC that always reminded me that we met the first day of summer - I always forgot. But this year, I'm the one who remembers. A part of me was hoping that he might call, to say "Hey, how's it going, it's our anniversary," but how stupid and romantic is that desire? He didn't call me, of course, and he won't.

I considered leaving him a message. "Hi BC. It's me. Happy summer. Thinking of you. I'm remembering we met three years ago today. I know we can't be friends right now, but just want you to know ... I remember."

I'm thinking, inside, "You've been significant in my life. I thank you. I'm sorry it didn't work out between us. I miss you."

But I won't do it...even though it's romantic. I'm sure he doesn't want me to leave such a message - otherwise he would leave me this kind of message himself. It's only me that's feeling this way. He's off with his new 48-year-old boyfriend who has a muscled body, perhaps they're hiking or staying in watching rented movies, having awesome sex, cuddling, kissing and BC isn't thinking about me one iota. That's closer to the truth. Or perhaps he's off to Saltspring and having sex with the couple we met last summer and he dumped me for. Or maybe he's in Hotsprings Cove having orgies with a bunch of guys. All of this is possible.

So this first day of summer, I'm sad, and I'll stay at home. I'll remember our times together, cry some more, and tomorrow will be a new day. Perhaps tomorrow I'll forget again, my love for BC.