It's been so long since I've blogged that I keep forgetting how to sign in, and what my user name and password is. So it took me about 10 minutes to figure it out! I must do this more regularly.

I was inspired to do some more writing after coming across ShaneXtopher's site, which was mentioned by thecorky.com. It's an "improv message board" and contains the most brilliant blog called, "See how much ass I get?" Here's the URL: http://www.improvisation.ws/mb/showthread.php?t=15051&page=1&pp=20 (sorry, I'm too out of practice to create a link.) It's witty, insightful, sexy, funny and touching. I highly recommend it. I wish ShaneXtopher was doing more writing... does anyone know if he has his own blog now that's he's done with the Improv Message Board?

I'm thrilled to see that Cool Relax is back online writing...although it's under sad circumstances. My writer friend, P., told me that most people start writing journals once their relationship has ended. She's actually ending her own relationship (I think, unless she changes her mind for the 10th time).

P. has been seeing this sexy, handsome, brilliant university professional, who's about 6'5", charismatic and has a house in West Vancouver right on the water for the last two years. He teaches the psychology of criminology. Unfortunately after all this time and emotional investment, it's not really working out. He's lovely, giving, sweet, affectionate, and gives her lots of attention, but simultaneously he's one of those guys that with his charm always gets his way, and then acts surprised and hurt when you suggest that he hasn't been thoughtful about you. Yes, he serves her breakfast in bed, and they have awesome sex - but when it comes to anything important to my friend P., such as her writing, her career, her schedule and time needs - it goes in one ear and out the other.

He's one of those guys with thousands of friends. He loves socializing with anyone. He's friendly and outgoing. He's connected with a huge range of important people. (He's Gemini.) He's completely non-reactive (at least outwardly), never gets angry, touchy or displays anything but genuine concern. But while he says all the right things, reacts properly in the moment, he doesn't follow through with P.'s simple requests. He's always calling her, asking her to come over to his house, but never offers to visit her at her apartment in Vancouver (it's a long drive to get to his West Vancouver home). My friend P. teaches at a fancy private school, and if she stays at his place, has to get up an hour and a half earlier in order to get to work on time, whereas if he occassionally offered to stay at her apartment, she'd only have to drive 20 minutes. I know this sounds stupid, but it can be exhausting after two years.

P. has just finished writing a novel, and gave it to the professor to read it. But when she talks about it later, he can't remember what he's read. He just gives her pleasant banter about it. Meanwhile P., heavily edits all his papers and articles and research thingys, remembers every detail, is helping his career, while he can't seem to offer her the same attention.

That's because his attention is spread everywhere, with everyone. It's because he's "such a nice guy" that he's always thinking about everyone's needs, and doesn't have any special attention for P.

The professor has tons of dinner parties and get-togethers, and P. always acts like the penultimate hostess at them. She's beginning to feel like a pretty little thing who hosts parties, is available for sex, and providing career advancement, while she's not getting anything substantial from the relationship. Sure, she could marry him and live the life of "Riley" in a beautiful million dollar ocean front home, share tons of assets (he's good at investments), meet fabulous, talented and famous people while hosting his chic dinner parties. But P. is more than a pretty face. She's as talented and important as him, and doesn't feel appreciated for anything other than her perfect looks and wonderful social ability. Also her assumed availability.

I guess I relate to her situation, because this situation is far too familiar to me, in some aspects. BC somehow always managed to get his way - not by being confrontational (like myself), but by acting so sweet and non-reactive and so shockingly surprised when I was unhappy with him, that I felt like I was the 'shit.' I always ended up feeling guilty, because I would be angry when he did something "unthoughtful" yet BC was never angry in return. He always looked and acted innocent.

For example, he was always at least 30 - 60 minutes late. I'd be waiting to meet him somewhere and end up waiting a long time. Or BC would invite me over, then when I came over to his place (after organizing my evening to be on time, making sure I had my work done, finished dinner, laundry or whatever) he'd be in the middle of renovating his kitchen, or making dinner or doing his laundry. Somehow I always ended up waiting for him to be finished his chores. And he was S-L-O-W at accomplishing things, because he's a perfectionist and talks non-stop while doing them. And being the sweet person that I am, I'd end up helping to clean his house, fold his laundry, fry the oriental vegetables or clean his dirty dishes. Help him install new kitchen cabinets. I did this so he could finally take a shower, shave and do his hair (which took forever!). I can get ready in 10 minutes - that means a shower, shave, hair gel and comb, and get dressed. It would take him 50 minutes to shower and get dressed. By the time he's done, I'm irritated, it's two or more hours later, and I just feel like I've wasted my entire evening. Does anyone relate, or am I just being a 'shit?'

Thanks for inviting me over to help you out with your life! Did BC ever help me clean my house, do my laundry (okay, he once bleached a few items), help me with renovations (okay, he did a bit), help me make dinner (no), help me with my career (no, but I helped him a lot). But these were once or twice in a year, while it seemed like I did this for him several times a week. And he did nothing to improve my intellectual ability. Wow, what a bitch-fest this is turning out to be.

My point is...I think it's important that a relationship is based on PARTNERSHIP. It's not about one person helping the other more than the other. Keep in mind that BC was bi-sexual. Meaning, he had lots of straight attitudes about partners (i.e. women). Women are subservient to the overall importance of his life. Women don't have a life - they're here to serve the man. Not that I'd call myself a woman, but this is his understanding of relationships, and they don't work well when being with another man. P. has been feeling this way with the professor.

I want equality in a relationship. Perhaps this sounds very 60s, bra-burning and feminist. Very un-Dr. Laura. But heck, I'm a man too, and so are you, and we need to be partners.

P., too, is very enlightened, and not interested in being a president's wife, if you know what I mean.

Are relationships based on domination and submission? Are they ever equal? Should P. and I shuddup, be submissive, then divorce a few years later and get 50% of assets (remember, I am Canadian and can get married), then go on to fulfilling ourselves on our own?

Should we learn to be dominant?

By the way, my birthday is on January 9th. Capricorn. Let me just say this brings up a lot of negative memories. Why don't I share them with you? BC gave me a horrible birthday card the first year, that showed a cartoon of some male ass, pushed out on the front cover, and said something about "taking it." I was totally insulted and disgusted, and ripped it up in his face, and told him never to give me a card like that again. So in the second year, he decided to totally ignore my birthday. No cards, no gift, no celebration.

Also, since I'm on a "fuck-you" kind of track, my previous lover David, decided to go away on my birthday. He was out of town, but "promised" to be back in time to take me out for dinner. I said to him, "Are you sure you'll be back in time? Otherwise, I'll make other plans with friends." David said, "Yes, definitely, don't worry." So it is January 9th, at 9pm, I'm waiting in my apartment for him to call and he hasn't. Then it is 1am and he still hasn't called. I'm sitting at home, waiting. The next day he calls and "apologizes" - he said his plane was late and wasn't able to call.

Well, fuck-you Dave.

Intertextual