The transformational experience has faded, so I'm back to my normal self...I think.

My first gay boyfriend came for a visit to Vancouver, and we had a great time. We have a lot in common, and get along very well. He cheated on me when we were together, so we broke up, then he went to grad school in a different city, but somehow we've remained best friends over the past - oh my gosh! - 17 years!!! That number is scary. Keep in mind that I'm counting from the date when we first met.

He's still hot, even though he's 46 years old. He's 7 years older than me. He has NO gray hair, has never coloured his hair, and his body is still flawless - it looks like a 25-year-old. No wrinkles on his body, no flab, perfect skin, hairless. It's truly phenomenal.

I've joked he has a painting in his attic, somewhere.

He slept on a mattress in my bedroom, and walked around in his boxers, so I got to see his body. He always had the hottest butt, and seemed to keep bending over around me to show it off, so I slapped it several times. But I'd never have sex with him again. It's odd - he can be attractive but repulsive at the same time. Maybe it would seem too...intimate...to have sex with him again? It's been so long. I don't think I'll go there.

We had a great time exploring Vancouver, going to art galleries, walking on the dozens of beaches. The weather has been remarkable - sunny, warm, few clouds. It was ideal.

While he was here, I had dreams about all of my three other boyfriends - deep dreams...the ones you wake up from, and remember, and affect you emotionally. The kind of dreams that make you remember why you loved being with him. I must have been doing a boyfriend-spring cleansing in my psyche. He left on Sunday.

I've got an amazingly hot student in my class. He's Italian. He's got charisma. He's strikingly intelligent. He also has the most sparkling, light-reflecting, glass-cutting blue eyes you've ever seen under long black eye lashes and bushy brows. He knows he's better looking than Tom Cruise. Well, maybe he doesn't know it, but his energy is pure sexuality, that makes even the best looking guy feel inadequate. I had him in my class last term, as well. He's so HOT that he doesn't seem to have made close friends with any of the females or males in the class. He's so sweet looking, but his energy is intense. When you're around him, you just feel like mush. How can you have a conversation with him when your mind has crashed and you need to reboot?

When the instructors met to grade his term project presentation, all of us - both male and a female - kept going on about how gorgeous he is. It was difficult to differentiate between his intelligence and looks. One of the female instructions kept swooning when talking about him. "Blue eyes, blue eyes" is all she said. She's married and a professional. They're not your usual blue eyes - these are like sapphires. Just so you know.

He speaks from his groin. When he talks to you, you feel a tingling in your groin. It's deep, powerful and confident. He could be saying, "Where is the pop machine?" and you get turned on. His voice rumbles in your body, causing vibrations in your groin. This is what I had to deal with on Monday. I was talking with all the girls during break, then he came out to talk with us, all on his own. It seemed like he wanted to connect with the girls, but they were all ignoring him, probably because he's so overwhelmingly attractive. And my student girls are SEXY.

So I started a boring conversation with him, lost my mind, sounded stupid, and nearly got a hard on. I think that's how people interact with him. He could tell I sounded stupid, silly and turned on, and he's used to it, and basically fluffed it off and repressed his awareness of it.

He's a bit tragic, being so HOT, everyone afraid to talk to him, and that somehow adds to his attractiveness. Also, I do know about another tragic event that happened in his life over the past four months, which makes me want to coddle and nurture him. And everyone else in the class knows about it, which makes them uncomfortable and want to comfort him.

I tried my best to interact with him. He got bored with the sexual tension from me, and all the girls. And casually went back to the classroom. It must be Hard to be so HOT.

I bought a lip moisturizer called "Modele." It cost me $40. It's supposed to thicken your lips, like Angelina Jolie. I'm applying it, obsessively, several times a day. I have a bad habit of biting my bottom lip when I think, so it has restored the moisture to my lips, and hopefully, will restore my lips to their true fullness. Check it out at http://www.modele.nsp.ca