Thursday, February 26, 2004

How to Say "No"
After reading three of my favourite blogs I am rather shocked and disappointed by these guys' ability to say, "no." They would rather appear as "nice guys" rather than be "honest." Think about that statement for a minute. Isn't a nice guy someone who is honest?

A nice guy is someone who cares about someone else's feelings. If you really care about someone else's feelings, wouldn't you be honest with him or her? Not lead them on? Making them think you like them, when in reality you don't? The only person your dishonesty is serving is your own. Your own fear of looking like a "bad guy." Morals and ethics aren't based on "how you look" to other people. They're based in on being consistent inside and out with your values. If you fake something you aren't, then you always end up hurting someone else - including yourself, because you've betrayed your own conscience.

I can't think of anything ruder than pretending to be nice to someone, making them think you like them, then not ever calling them again. As I've written in previous blogs, I've had two boyfriends who were so concerned about "how they appear" that they've been dishonest with me, ultimately hurting me way more than if they were direct about their feelings and disinterest. I'd rather someone was "cruel to be kind."

When one blogger mentioned they were at a gay bar, and some drunk guy was coming onto him, he remained polite, even when the drunk guy gave him a sloppy tongue-based kiss as he was leaving. What the fuck is that about? You're afraid to make a scene, because you're afraid of not looking "nice?" Excuse me, but who is not nice in this situation? The drunk guy.

I've been in gay bars, where creepy guys grab my ass, pinch my nipples, grab my waist and push me against them, and line at the bar, where a guy grinds his crotch against my ass. In every instance, I've shoved the guy away and said clearly, "Fuck off." I'm not the one with the rude behaviour - I'm the one with appropriate behaviour. Addaboy got it right - you should almost punch the guy in the face. They're assaulting you.