Gay Parenthood & Purpose?
What struck me about seeing a buck, a female deer and their baby together, prancing through the coulees...the mother and father kindly and gently protecting the cute baby deer...was how, as a gay man, I have little to relate to.
I saw a clear and defined family unit, each with their own proscribed roles and purposes in life. In fact, their genetic destinies gave them meaningful purpose in life.
I have no such proscribed, genetically determined meaning in life. Being both protector and nurturer, top and bottom (versatile), aggressor and passive being, and no babies, my meaning in life is more difficult to ascertain.
I say to myself, "Thank God I'm gay - I don't have to have babies." Is this a defense mechanism, born out of knowing I'm gay, and knowing that the likelihood of me ever having babies is nearly zero per cent? Or is a true sentiment?
My thoughts and opinions are probably like most straight men - they are cute, I love 'em, I'd love to grow up with one...but what is lacking in me is the concept of paternity. I don't feel a drive toward paternity. The concept of me "having my DNA profilgated through my baby, and thus, I live forever," is absolutely and completely missing from my psyche. I think this is such an archaic concept.
As a result of being the only male in my family, my family geneology will not continue through me. Do I care? No, not at all.
On the other hand, if I were married, and had an infant, I would definitely have a purpose in life. It would be to support, protect, nurture and give life to my baby. I would do everything in my power throughout their life to do this. My life would take second place.
I guess I have this option...but remember, I'm older, so it's only been a recent invention in Canadian history. So for most of my life, it's not been an option. So have I justified this absence of options for not wanting a baby? Or getting married? Or do I simply like being absolved of genetic predispositions of fatherhood / motherhood / babyhood?
To be honest, I like being abolved of all related genetic purposes. I need to find my own purpose in life, which is...if someone can tell me I'd appreciate it. But I know it's not to be in a "proper family unit with a baby." Although I do like babies.
What are your own thoughts/experience/feelings on this issue? I'd like to know.
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1 comment:
Hoestly, I've grappled with those thoughts and feelings myself. And I think even for straight people, it's an illusion, that ones children continue ones existence.
I think it's more about finding meaning and purpose in ones existence.
For me it's kind of come to the place of simply "leaving the campground a cleaner place than when I got there". Remember that Boy Scout motto?
Maybe one reason gays have contributed so much to the arts and to cultural life is because they couldn't subscribe to the myth of a wife and child, and a house in the suburbs. It's forced us to contribute to life in more difficult, but also more rewarding ways.
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