A Banal Blowjob



Last week after chatting with half a dozen guys, I ended up meeting none of them. The first "date" didn't show up as planned. When I got home he had emailed me a weak apology, explaining that he got home late from a friend's house where he was helping him pour concrete in his backyard. I didn't bother to reply.

I never heard from the handsome blond bisexual again, nor have I seen him on MSN since.

I was supposed to email the gay couple the afternoon before we were to meet that evening. I did, and didn't hear back from them.

Nor did I hear from the ex-Vancouverite this week - we had suggested going for coffee once he got back from M*edicine Hat.

Apparently cruising in small town L*thbridge isn't that different from cruising in Vancouver, or anywhere else in the world.

I went online this afternoon, feeling horny but not hopeful, when I saw someone new on the chat. I messaged him, and found out he was 6'1", 180 lbs, 42" chest, 31" waist, 7.5" cut cock, blue eyes and light brown hair. A hairy chest. He was 42 according to his profile - just a year older than me, but because his hair was receding, he looked what I normally think of as 42. But he was handsome. He was a runner who enjoyed training for marathons. I found out he lives just a block away from where I work out, so we arranged to meet in front of my gym, and if we were interested, we'd fool around. My attitude was rather blasé about the situation, but I had nothing better to do.

It's been so long since I had sex that I was a little worried that I wouldn't get turned on. After all, his picture didn't convey that he's drop dead sexy. He kind of looked like someone's father. I tried to remember what I used to do to get a hard on, but the memories were faint. In the past in Vancouver I was normally a little drunk when hooking up, but since I don't drink any more, that wasn't an option. Plus I wanted to lift weights afterward.

So I took a thorough shower, got dressed in shorts and a tank top, and hopped on my bike to the gym. I worked up a bit of a sweat - it was hotter outside than I realized, and began worry about being hot, sweaty and sticky. If I were meeting up for sex with an ex-boyfriend I wouldn't be concerned, but with a stranger with whom I have no history or connection, it seemed a little too intimate to introduce personal pheremones and body fluids into the tryst.

I arrived on time, and I saw him at the far end of the parking lot. I parked my bike and walked over to him. He looked a bit younger than his picture, and was a little cuter than I expected. He looked awkward, but I thought, "What the heck, let's give it a try," and after saying hello, asked if I should lock my bike up and come with him.

"Sure," he said.

It was only one short block to his house, and on the way he said hello to two people - L*thbridge is that small. (I told you, everyone knows each other here.) One was to a guy in a car that passed us, and the other was to a guy walking across the street - they had walked their dogs together just a couple of hours ago. Meanwhile, I was trying to think of how I could get turned on - what was there about him or the situation that I could eroticize. I can't even remember what he was wearing - he was that non-descript. I know it was shorts, a t-shirt and sandals because he told me he on the chat he would be wearing these, but I couldn't tell you what colour or style they were. I did like his friendly/nervous manner and blue eyes - he kind of looked like the typical Lethbridge man. Sort of Mormon, sort of Dutch, sort of Caucasian/bland. His voice had a slight "gay" sound to it, but it wasn't overly pronounced.


We entered his house from the backyard. It was a wood paneled home from the 1920s. He had just finished renovating it. As we walked into the back porch, he explained he had a miniature weiner dog (sorry, I can't think of the name of the dog). It's one of those short, but very long dogs with tiny legs. They're really cute. I took off my running shoes in the covered back porch, and walked into an immaculate house, with new wood floors. It was tastefully and modestly painted and decorated. The style was inspired by the prairies - a little barren, but solid. We stood in his kitchen talking for a few minutes, and then he led me upstairs to his bedroom. I wondered if he had an appointment later - everything seemed a bit rushed and impersonal. He didn't give me any real personal details, like what he did for a living. I didn't offer any either.

He took my backpack and explained, "I'll put it in the closet. Not because I want to steal it or anything, but the dog will chew on it if it's left on the floor." Whatever. I asked to use his washroom, and he went to his linen closet and got me a washcloth and matching towel, which I appreciated because I wanted to wipe the dew off my skin. While in the washroom, I realized how weird this situation was. I really didn't feel anything - not excitement, apprehension and especially not sexual arousal.

When I finished in the washroom, I went into his bedroom, and he was standing there talking to his dog, telling it to lie down and be quiet. It always disturbs me when I have sex in front of an animal. I'm a little afraid it will want to join in. He holds me gently by my shoulders and tries kissing me. It was a very non-committal kiss. It was like he didn't want to kiss me, but didn't know what else to do. He's the awful kind of kisser that just flicks his tongue in and out at you. Without any foreplay, he removes my shirt and says, "You've got a nice chest." He nervously touches my chest.

I take off his shirt, and discover that he is hairy - a light brown hair, with a small but very toned chest. Not exactly sexy, but not awful either. We move in toward each other and hug, avoiding our lips touching, and I realize his hairy chest is rather scratchy. It's not silky smooth like BCs was. His body also feels wiry. Like tight little muscles all bunched up in his back and chest and arms. His skin isn't soft - although it doesn't look pimply, it feels like there are hard little bumps, so it's not terribly pleasurable to feel his body or his skin or his hairy chest.

I console myself with the thought that "at least he said he has a 7.5" cock." The next thing I know is that he's removed my shorts, and his own shorts, which he folds neatly and puts on the dresser so his dog doesn't eat them.

He unceremoniously lays down on his bed, so I join him, wondering if I'm going to get an erection. I'm not nervous or turned off - I just feel neutral. Again, he tries kissing me with his snake tongue for about three seconds, then fortunately stops and moves down and begins using his flickering tongue on my nipples. It feels not bad, but he doesn't have a lot of skill in this department. He doesn't realize that he needs to slightly bite them, then flicker his tongue on them, and repeat. I let my hand wander over to his underwear, and grab his package - he's already nearly erect! My dick is as limp as West Coast slug.

After a far too brief time on my nipples, he pulls off my underwear with no warning, and begins sucking on my limp dick. It just feels wet. His weiner dog meanwhile is whining and whimpering on the side of the bed, so he breaks every few seconds to tell the dog to "shoosh, and lay down."

He apologizes to me, and says, "I'm sorry, he's such a good dog though - but he may have to come up on the bed with us. Is that okay?"

I'm thinking, "Fuck, no!" But instead I say, "Well, as long as he doesn't join us," trying to make it sound like I'm joking.

He goes back to mouthing my still limp cock, but gradually it lengthens a little. He stretches it occasionally with his middle finger and thumb. I start playing with my own nipples, close my eyes and make a concerted effort to block out the dog in the room.

I decided to check out his dick, so I sit up and take off his underwear. His cock is fairly hard, and it looks nice. I wouldn't say it was 7.5" - if it is, then so is mine - I may even be larger. Nevertheless, I begin sucking on it, and it's nicely proportioned - not too thin, not too thick, not quite average either. It feels nice in my mouth.

I take a moment to play with his balls, and I noticed that they're not low hangers. They're rather tight against the base of his dick. Not bad though. I continue to suck his dick, easily deep throating it (BC forever changed my sucking technique) and realize that I'm actually enjoying myself. I get hard. He doesn't make a sound while I'm sucking on it, so I don't know if he's enjoying himself or if I'm doing a good job.

After just a few minutes, he puts his hand on his cock as if to stop me. I look up at him, and he says, "I'm close to cumming." I'm surprised - after so short a time? After practically no erotic foreplay or interaction? He gestures to get into a 69 position, so I move around so that my cock is over top of his mouth, and his is below me.

He says, "You've got a nice cock," and I reply, "Thanks, so do you."

The position is a little awkward for me - I need to use my muscles to balance properly, which takes my attention away from any sensation of having my cock sucked. After a few minutes he says, "Do you like being rimmed, or ass play?"

If he was a boyfriend, or I was in the midst of having hot sex with a super hottie, I would have said yes. But I couldn't imagine having my butt played with by his tongue or his finger. It would probably just feel wet and weird. I said, "sometimes, but not right now."

His profile on the chat mentioned that he was a top - I tried to form the mental imagine in my mind of him fucking me, and it just didn't work. Besides, it's not something I do with a stranger.

Meanwhile, my finger is wandering over to his ass, playing with rubbing his hole with saliva from his balls. For the first time he makes a small moaning sound. I momentarily try imagining fucking him, and again, no mental picture forms. The attempt to imagine fucking him begins to turn me off, so I move out of the 69 position, and lay on my back, waiting for him to blow my now mostly erect cock.

He moves on top of me, facing me, and begins sucking my cock properly, and manages to play with my nipples with his hands at the same time. I focus intensely on the sensations, and manage to get into it. It actually feels really good. I'm quite hard now, and he's deep throating me, and I can feel his snake-like tongue flickering the underside of my cockhead. I feel like humping his mouth aggressively, but don't - I'm not sure if he'd like that.

I let him go on and on, until I realize I haven't pleasured him in quite a while, so thinking it's my turn to do him, I sit up, and he lays down on his back. I momentarily imagine climbing onto his face and forcefully sticking my cock in his mouth and fucking it - that always turned BC on. But again, I'm not sure if he likes aggression. So instead I go back to sucking his cock.

After just a few minutes he puts his hand on his cock to stop me, and says, "I'm close, I'm going to cum." I think to myself, "Why the hell not, let's get it over with."

"How would you like me to cum?" he asks me. I look puzzled, so he says, "I mean, on your chest, face or in your mouth?" I find his question a bit odd - I'm not sure how to respond. I really don't care - I don't get particularly excited by cum on my face though. I mean, it could get in my eyes. So I say, "Where do you like it?"

"In my mouth," he answers, quickly.

I said, "I like that too." So I go back to blowing him, and within 30 seconds he cums, without making any noise. I wouldn't have known he'd had an orgasm except that my mouth filled up with his cum. I wasn't sure that I wanted his cum in my mouth, but now it was, and cautiously I tasted it, wondering if I should spit it out in case it tasted gross.

But amazingly, it was probably the best cum I've ever tasted! It tasted completely neutral and clean. It was delicious! I swallowed it, and went back to licking up any traces left on his cock. I became a cum hungry cocksucker for a moment.

He looked completely drained, but I moved onto my back, waiting for him to finish me off. He collected his energy, and went down on me, doing quite a good job. I played with my nipples, which always increases the pleasure of a blow job for me, and within a minute or so came in his mouth. I looked at him, and he had a momentary look as if, "Um, do I want to swallow this?" After looking down at my stomach with his mouth full and wondering if he should spit it out, he decided to swallow it. And then he went back to sucking my dick, which was now overly sensitive and I yelped and hollered like his weiner dog.

I groaned, and he got up and grabbed the towel and washcloth and threw it at me, while he went to clean up. His weiner dog jumps up on the bed and starts chewing on my underwear, growling and flipping it back and forth like he's fighting with it. I pull them out of his mouth and put them on. Within moments, he was back and getting dressed, so I did too. I was still impressed by how delicious his cum was, so without thinking I said, "Are you a vegetarian?"

"What? Why do you ask?" he said.

"Well, it's a little gross, but…your cum tasted fantastic."

He smiled, pleased, and said, "Yeah, I only eat organic fruits and vegetables and some fish."

"I can tell," I said.

My bland but delicious tasting Lethbridge guy said we should get together again, I agreed, and before I knew it, I was out the door and on my way to the gym. In fact, I'd nearly forgotten about the whole blowjob by the time I reached the end of the block. I realized this, and thought - wow, that was so banal.