Attracting Relationships


It's time for some more enlightenment. I wrote this article just as I met my boyfriend BC. Sure, our relationship only lasted three years, but it's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. I dedicate this article to Single in the City, a sweet and humorous blogger I discovered recently, who is celebrating 60 days of sexual and relationship sobriety. I think the one thing he hasn't investigated is the spiritual aspect of relationships: may you find it now.


In our world there exists a miraculous system of interconnections and relationships, all perfectly and effortlessly orchestrated. Everyone in your life mirrors your beliefs, and vice versa. Not everyone is equally meaningful to you at any given point, but those that hold more purpose and meaning are brought to your conscious awareness.


How do you attract conscious, co-creative relationships into your life? I have been exploring the process of co-creating cooperative and harmonious relationships of all kinds. It begins with healing your false core beliefs, via the mirroring and karmic processes, thereby acknowledging and honoring your wholeness. In this article I review some aspects of the healing process, and look at the process of co-creation.

We are all one
In actuality, everyone is one. We are all whole. All who exist are manifestations of the one Creator. We, as the one Creator, have agreed to individuate, in order to explore who it is that we are. Each one of us is simply an aspect of the one. You have agreed to take on certain aspects of the one, which form your characteristics, personality, and beliefs, and explore them. In each incarnation, you carry false core beliefs from your previous lives, about your lack of wholeness, in order to explore these beliefs and give you the opportunity to discover all that you are. You are the one Creator.

You are, and always have been, involved in cooperative and harmonious relationships. Every person in your life right now is cooperating with you in the most harmonious and loving manner to help you to understand your relationship to, and beliefs about, your inner self. Each person mirrors back to you an aspect of your inner self.

If you choose to believe that you are not whole, then you will attract into your life others that also believe they are not whole. This is the basis for complementary relationships. These are the relationships that often bring much pain and drama. Because if you believe that you are not complete, then you believe that you are in need. And you will believe that you need the other who represents the aspect of you that you believe you are lacking. This causes fear because if the person does not give you what you are lacking, or threatens to leave, then you will feel incomplete, abandoned and unloved.

But when you awaken to your wholeness, and realize that you are not lacking anything, then you will attract people who believe the same thing about themselves, and have more harmonious relationships — relationships based on love and not need.

Vibratory resonance

Every belief you hold emits a particular vibratory resonance. This vibratory resonance is an energy pattern that attracts to itself vibratory resonances similar in nature. These vibratory resonances are the fundamental building blocks of matter, and create our personal experience of physical reality. Whatever and whoever vibrates in a similar matter will be drawn into our personal reality. This is because harmony is the nature of the universe. Just as when a certain pitch of sound is emitted into the environment, all objects that are capable of vibrating at this rate will respond by singing in equanimity.

All relationships are an act of co-creation. What you choose to believe and hold in your consciousness about yourself and others is manifested by your higher self in cooperation with the higher selves of all others. You automatically attract to yourself others who resonate with your beliefs. Our higher selves always act as one, for the highest good of all. This is an important concept to understand because once you understand that we are all one, then you feel connected to everyone else.


The universal web
Everyone around you at any given moment is in your personal reality because they in some way share one or more of your beliefs. These include beliefs about yourself, the world, and the universe. In our world there exists a miraculous system of interconnections and relationships, all perfectly and effortlessly orchestrated. Everyone in your life mirrors your beliefs, and vice versa. Not everyone is equally meaningful to you at any given point, but those that hold more purpose and meaning are brought to your conscious awareness.

You know that a person and situation hold meaning for you when it becomes energetically charged. You may perceive the person and situation as more vibrant and having greater clarity, and/or your emotions are stirred and register the significance of the meeting.

When I meditate on the understanding that I am in relationship with everyone around me, I begin to sense that we are all interconnected by a web of energy, and are in constant telepathic communication with one another. This is a multi-dimensional web, that not only extends through space, but also time. When I open myself, I can feel on an intuitive level the connection I have with my neighbor who I've never met. I intuitively sense that we share similar ideas about abundance, and also believe in living peacefully and without drama.

I can also sense my connection to my grandfather, who I never met, and died a couple decades ago. I can feel his presence, and that we are connected to one another via this interrelational web of energy. As I have continued to grow spiritually, I feel that I am even able to have conversations in my mind with him.

When I reflected on who my next romantic partner might be, I imagined they existed exactly as I desired. I also intuited that they lived in the same city, which was important to me. When I focussed on their existence, and tuned into the particular vibration or experience I was looking for, I imagined that I was plucking a string on the web, which lead to them. I would check in to their vibration once in a while, and stir the web that connected us, to say hello. I reminded myself that we would meet when the moment was right, and that our higher selves were coordinating the co-incident that would bring us together.

Allow the relationship to come to you
Trusting in the knowledge that there exists a universal mind, or an energy web which connects us all in relationship, opens you to experiencing it on a subjective level. You develop complete trust that any connection you desire to make with others are accessible and available, no matter where they exist in the world. You cease searching for the connection because you are solid in your knowledge that your connection will be fulfilled, and manifest, when the time is right.

A columnist in a local paper recently ran a series of articles on how people met their partners in places and situations that are normally considered to be highly unlikely places to meet a serious partner. These included the church at which they were about to be wedded to someone else, looking for anonymous sex in a park washroom, or on a chat line.

There is no such place as the 'right' place to meet someone.
The only right place is where you are in any given moment.

He or she will appear wherever it is you are. In contrast to usual advice, you don't need to go out of your way to hang out at special places, or make any special effort to make contacts for business or relationship purposes. Allow the person to come to you. Open yourself to receiving the relationship you desire.

As in all aspects of your life, always act on any gentle inner nudgings. Avoid trying to second guess where these will lead. This can interfere with the process because your expectations may lead to disappointment, which leads to fear and a lack of trust in the process. Instead, trust that your inner guidance is leading you to exactly where it is you need to be, even though you may not understand its purpose in the moment.

The power of saying "No"
While opening yourself to receiving the relationship you desire, it is likely you will have to exercise the power of saying, "No." Whenever core beliefs are changed, there is a period of adjustment, and people and situations may continue to show up that reflect your old beliefs. One of the most powerful choices you have is to say, "No. I do not choose this for myself any more."

Remember that all your relationships mirror, in a holographic manner, our relationship to our inner self. Relationships include friendships, co-workers, clients, family members and relatives, romantic partners and anyone you interact with in the living of your life. None are exempt. For example, if you are working for an employer with whom you have a frustrating, difficult and discordant relationship, then it is important to examine your patterns and choices in this relationship.

As I began my healing process, one of the first relationships that no longer were tolerable for me was with my employer. I came to the point where I could no longer agree to his unreasonable expectations, and the lack of respect I received. Although I had no job to go to, I bravely gave my notice after weeks of contemplation. I felt that for my mental, emotional and spiritual health I needed to deeply trust in my inner guidance and take a step into the unknown.

One of the most difficult relationships I had to let go of was with a friend I had known since childhood. As I grew, our paths diverged, and I no longer found her to treat me as lovingly as I had begun to treat myself. She hadn't changed — only I had. What was once okay for me, no longer was.

After my last romantic relationship, I was determined to never enter into one that was similar, and repeat the same patterns. I decided that I would rather be single for the rest of my life, than have a repeat performance. Because of the work I had done on healing my issues, I became very sensitive to any signs that a similar dynamic was occurring between a romantic interest and me. It had also become very clear as to what I didn't want to experience with a partner. No matter how attracted or lonely I was, or how much we may have had in common, if there were signs of a dynamic I no longer wished to play out, I would trust my perceptions and feelings and say, "No." Sometimes I wondered if I was making the right decisions.

After more than three years of saying "No" more often than I would have liked to, I discovered I was making it very clear to my higher self that I was saying, "Yes" to having people in my life who reflected back to me my self love. And I was rewarded with wonderful friendships over time. I was enjoying my life so much, that I did not feel I was lacking anything by not having a romantic relationship. It is not that I didn't think it was possible — I knew that my partner would show up when the time was right, but I was in no hurry for it to happen. I felt more whole than I ever had in my whole life.

Following your passions
The energy I used to devote to finding a romantic partner became diverted to pursuing new interests and passions — such as writing about relationships. I am still surprised that writing brings me so much joy, because it was something I previously never enjoyed doing, or thought I did well. The inner excitement I feel whenever I finish an article, and upload it to the web makes me vibrate with bliss. I can literally feel bolts of energy beam from my body. Over the last few years I have become more focussed on fulfilling myself, instead of looking for someone to do it for me. I have started a new business, began teaching, set fitness goals, traveled, and began fixing up my home.

Doing whatever brings you great joy and excitement helps to attract harmonious relationships, because you are following your inner purpose, which leads to a greater sense of wholeness. It raises the rate of your vibration, intensifying its signal, so you attract more of the same experience.

Defining your relationship desires
In examining your karmic core issues through the mirroring process, relationship patterns become clearer. This is useful, because what you no longer wish to experience in a relationship is defined. It is useful to write these down on paper, and make them concrete. Clarify these as you grow and understand who you are and what your needs and desires are.

For example, I decided that in my next relationship I no longer wished to experience with my partner:
• drama
• intense conflict
• neediness and longing
• invalidation of my feelings and perceptions
• rejection and abandonment
• lack of affection
• emotional detachment
• disregard of boundaries
• controlling behavior
• dishonesty
• denial
• betrayal

It is also important to write what you would like to experience. In my list I included:
• peace
• joy
• love
• effortlessness
• nurturing
• intimacy
• gentleness
• laughter
• respect
• physical attraction
• trust

In knowing myself, I wrote down the characteristics I wished my partner to have:
• ability to communicate their feelings and thoughts
• be at a similar place in awareness of their issues and healing
• be open to and share similar spiritual beliefs
• have creative interests
• be interested in fitness
• enjoy traveling
• have a healthy balance of independence and interdependence
• live in the same city
• be following their own passions and interests
• be financially responsible

I added a few qualities to my list that weren't necessary, but would be bonuses. My partner would:
• be similar in age
• enjoy hiking, camping and outdoor activities
• have friends that I like and get along with well
• have things to teach me
• like gardening and taking care of their home
• be tall in height

In imagining the romantic partner I would like to have, I drew upon positive feelings and experiences I had with previous partners. I would identify the exact feeling I enjoyed the most with other partners, and imagined having this with my next partner. It is difficult to verbalize these feeling experiences, but I felt them as though they were happening now.

Once in a while, whenever the impulse struck me, I would imagine this relationship in meditation. After three years, when I was able to visualize this without attachment, fear or a sense of longing, I met someone with whom I have been able to experience this kind of relationship and meets each one of my needs and desires. Down to the last detail.

Each one of your desires is holy and honored by the universe. Because you are divine, all of your desires are fulfilled automatically through the co-creative process. Becoming conscious of your beliefs and choices awakens you to your wondrous power, and the limitless love of all that is.

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Wow, reviewing all list made me realize BC nearly fit the requirements perfectly - I think the one thing I forgot to put on my list was "he's not bisexual, but instead is perfectly comfortable with his gay sexuality." Next time...