Culture Shock

The first impressions I've had about Lethbridge, after 5 years of absence:

1. Britney Spears. Nearly all the women are blond in Lethbridge, and they all have Britney Spears hairstyles. After sleeping poorly for a day after arriving, I was forced to go to Park Place Mall with my mother and sister G. to go shopping at "Winners" - a discount store that carries everything from men and women's clothing to housewares. I'd never been to one before. Having been in Vancouver for so long, I'd completely forgotten how homogenized Lethbridge is. There are few ethnic people here but they are rare, and when they appear, they stand out as if they are holding blazing neon signs that flash "I'm ethnic." So going to the mall was very strange. I felt like I was in the United States in some backward town in Ohio.

There are so many blond people here, all with the same colour of blond and same hairstyles that I'm unable to differentiate them from one another. The reason I kept noticing blond women is that they all looked like one of my three sisters - who are all blond with blue or green eyes. In Vancouver, my sisters would stand out, because they're so blond. In Lethbridge, everyone looks like them! So I kept thinking - "Oh, there's G. Oh, there's M. Oh, there's J." But they were just one of hundreds of blond girls that look like my sisters, with the same haircuts.

The hairstylists in Lethbridge obviously learn the same techniques and use the same bleach and haircolouring on every blond Dutch, German, Scandanavian and Mormon girl in Southern Alberta! They all have long blond hair, permed (I don't think anyone in Vancouver gets a perm - please let me know. I was of the impression that perms died out about 10-20 years ago?) Then, if they have their hair permed, they use straightening formulas and gadgets if they want a different look.

Normally don't notice hairstyles or hair colours or hair on women whatsoever! I could care less. But in Lethbridge, seeing the same thing on every female made me aware of female hair. On New Year's Eve, I was at my sister G.'s house, and she was using a flattening curling iron on her highlighted bleached blond hair, and asked me to get the back of it with the iron. I just don't get it. I never had any blond girlfriends in Vancouver, and I doubt that any of them ever got their hair permed. It was totally creepy. It's almost as if every female has been inducted into some kind of blond, permed, Britney Spears cult. When I lived in Vancouver, I thought Britney Spears was cute. But imagine an entire city of Britney Spears, and you'll understand my shock of Lethbridge.

2. Gigantism. The blond, bleached, Britney Spears females of Lethbridge are also exceedingly tall. I'm not joking. I think there's something weird going on here, and scientists need to check it out. I've never seen so many 6 feet plus females with blond hair anywhere! And they're all 14 years old. My niece is 6' tall and 14. My other niece who's 15 is 6' plus. My parents took me to the All-You-Can-Eat Pizza Hut luncheon special (another very un-Vancouver type restaurant), and we were served by a pretty blond 16 year-old Amazon, at least 6'3". I'm teaching two 13 year olds, who are 6' (female) and 6"2" (male). My brother-in-law grew 5" from ages 20-24, and he is Dutch, blond and so therefore my very tall. My niece and nephews are likely to grow super tall too. I asked my sister "M." why do the Dutch people grow so tall here? She joked, "It's from all the hormones in the Alberta beef."

Some of the men in Lethbridge are hot. I saw this one stud at Winners - only "stud" can fully capture his sexiness. He was a young guy, maybe 23-25, wearing these completely unfashionable tight levis jeans with a bootleg cut. He was wearing cowboy boots. Please! He's not even at a fetish-wear party or a rodeo. But the way his jeans and cowboy boots hugged his sexy big muscular butt and thighs. Holy fuck! And he was walking around proudly, like a buff gay man at a country-western disco party, down the "Winners" aisles. He had a fresh, flawless face, with short blond hair. I bet he was a virgin. That's the thing about Lethbridge - there's so much religion going on, that a lot of these sexy guys are virgins and don't even comprehend the sex-energy they're giving off. And the guy who installed my high speed internet was extremely gorgeous - short buzzed blond hair, tall, athletic. Obviously Dutch (and you know what that means!). But I wouldn't dare come onto anyone here because Lethbridge is such a religious hot bed.

3. Gossip. Everyone here knows everyone else, and everyone loves to gossip. Most conversations people have in Lethbridge are based on gossip. Because the city is so small, and so many people are related to each other (those Dutch and German families here are huge and have hundreds of relatives). Even my parents gossip non-stop. We were driving past a restaurant, and my parents told me the story of the woman who used to go to their church who owned the restaurant with her husband. She worked for a bank, and somehow managed to embezzle like $40,000 from it. She got caught and was charged, and her husband left her and her daughter. This is typical of the stories I hear daily from everyone.

Ever since I arrived, my mother has been complaining about my father's doctor. She can't stand him - he thinks he's a huge narcissist and not a good doctor. I guess he's made some mistakes in treating my father, including renewing prescriptions for him that were incorrect. It didn't make sense to me why she was so angry about him, and why she doesn't like him so much.

So yesterday afternoon after church, she was complaining about my father's doctor again, and she mentioned that after 18 years of marriage, the doctor left his family - his wife and two daughters I believe - and my mother was saying how sad she felt for her daughters - one of them is university age. I asked my mother what his name was. She told me "Dr. P. " Anyway, that name didn't sound familiar to me.

Then my mom said that he and his family used to go to our church. Apparently his wife and kids still do. And that he had caused a huge scandal when he left because he came out as gay.

I nearly dropped my plate when she told me this. I asked her what he looked like and my mom said, "Oh, he's old, and has baggy eyes."

I told her that I think I had heard about Dr. P. from my friend A., because he's dating A.'s boss. I got to hear all about Dr. P. and A.'s boss and their scandalous relationship from A.

Anyway, this freaked her out, and me. It also bothered me because I realized one of the main reasons she doesn't like him is that because he came out as gay and it hurt his family.

Anyway, last night my sister M. and her husband of 20 years came over and we had this huge discussion regarding Dr. P. coming out, and me being gay. I explained to them that no one enjoys coming out, and that I'm sure it was very difficult for him.

At one point M.'s husband asked my mother, sister and father to leave while he shared something with me. He told me at one time in his marriage he started to have thoughts about being with men all the time - sexual thoughts. He was really worried and concerned about it, but then he prayed about it and gave his life up to God, and it hasn't been a problem since.

I nearly shit myself! I kind of think he was making it up, and I told him so. He was serious though. He was suggesting that all I had to do was "give myself up to God" and it may help me too.

I live in such a crazy family! I'm not sure what to think about T.s confession to me. Maybe it's normal for some straight men to go through a period of fantasizing about gay sex?