Update to last post: Life gets weirder.

After the big discussion with my family regarding Dr. P., and then my brother-in-law "coming out to me" and my sister trying to convert me to religion to get over being gay, I found out another shocker. I was telling my sister G. about the event, when she told me my 15 year old niece is a lesbian, and she's known for a couple years already. Hmmm. I didn't know that. I guess my sister M. and her children are always "testifying" about the Lord's grace to her, and it drives her nuts. Anyway, I'm glad to know I'm not the only gay one in our family.

The other thing I didn't mention is, because it's so creepy and illicit, is that I find my brother-in-law "Trevor." very attractive, and have for a while. As I've mentioned previously, my ex-boyfriend B.C. is Dutch, and tall, and well hung. So is Trevor. I know Trevor is well hung because my sister M. who is married to him, told my sister G. So that just adds to my fantasies whenever I look at him. Then having him intimately confess to me he's obsessed about gay sex just fuels my very wrong fantasies about him even more...of course, I wouldn't act on them, but it's quite uncomfortable. Nevetheless I can't help noticing his beautiful blue eyes, perfect skin (it's so polished and perfect - you can't see any pores on him), his super long legs, athletic body, etc.

I also don't know if I mentioned that my sister G. is divorcing her husband who has admitted to being bisexual, and he was always overly interested in me and when visiting me in Vancouver wanted me to take him to a gay bar. Hmmm.

Anyway...I've been hired by an advertising agency here in Lethbridge. I've become its new creative director. It's been keeping me very busy. I'm in the process of designing stuff for a new company, so I went with the marketing director to a printing shop in town to check out their facilities and to get a quote.

I was there for about half an hour talking with the owner about his equipment and our needs for printing. He's quite tall, and blond (of course), and I also noticed that he appeared to be well hung. There was a sizeable, hefty and heavy looking bulge between his legs, even though he was wearing big, shapeless jeans. He looked to be about my age. I didn't recognize him at all. Just before leaving, I picked up his business card from the counter with his name on it, and I freaked out. I recognized his last name. It's an unusual last name, and the only family in town with this last name. I had a conniption because I used to work for his parents when I lived in Lethbridge, and I caused a scandal because I got caught having sex with one of their sons in the backroom at work. I was only about 23 at the time. But I remember the son as being very good looking back then, very tall, and being hugely hung.

The details are very rusty - I think I've blocked out the incident. I've got a flash of trying to choke down the guy's gargantuan cock in his car on a date, a flash of doing him in the backroom at work, and a memory of his entire family - all his brothers and sisters and parents - finding out that we were having sex.

Let's say the printer's name is "Jake." The son I remember having sex with was named "Blake," according to my poor memory. So I wasn't sure if it was this guy that I'd had sex with. I said to him, "Uh, I think I must know you. I worked for your parents a LONG time ago." Jake said he didn't recognize me, and I said I didn't recognize him either. Then it became very awkward and I left with the marketing director.

Later, I looked up "Jake" and "Blake" on the internet, and fortunately found his brother "Blake" living in Calgary. So it wasn't the printing shop owner I had fooled around with, it was his twin brother "Blake." I really hope there aren't any Lethbridge guys reading htis blog (other than you, Brian, and I hope you keep this confidential) because Lethbridge is so small, anyone who lived here would know all that I'm talking about. Actually, I'm going to change some details here so it makes it more difficult.

There were only two guys I ever had sex with in Lethbridge. Blake, and my first partner Ed. So it was an unusual situation.

I'm sure my blog has become incredibly uninteresting since I've moved from Vancouver, and I've been celebate in the last while. So let me fill it in with a sexual fantasy I had last night.

The job I hired Jake for is complete, and he asks me to come and take a look at a printer's proof for approval and sign-off. Even though it's already nearly 5pm, he wants me to come down tonight, because they're running the 40,000 copies first thing in the morning. I'm irritated because I've had a long day dealing with deadlines and clients, and the last thing I want to do is jump in my car and go down to the industrial area (even though it's only 12 minutes away) to proof the work.

It's already dark outside, and I pull into the large parking lot. The building looks dark, except for some outside lights. There's only one other car in the lot. I get out of my car and ring the doorbell outside. I'm wearing my new pants from Wal-Mart. They feel like a light brushed suede, are dark blue, and I'm wearing a tight, white, long sleeved t-shirt from Vancouver. Even though I haven't worked out in a while, it does show off my nice chest, perma-erect nipples and rounded biceps. It's only about 5 degrees celsius outside.

Jake opens the door, says hello, and I walk in. We chat for a while. I notice that he's still wearing those baggy, formless jeans from the other day, and some other ratty, non-descript t-shirt. It's dark blue, so it plays off his blue eyes, which sparkle. He never really looks me in the eye very long - instead, he glances at me, talks, then looks away from me, almost shyly. While I notice the resemblance between him and his twin brother, he's not quite as handsome. He's more rough at the edges, less polished.

He leads me down a maze of hallways that veer off into offices, and we finally get to the warehouse that contains the large printing machines. A special fluorescent light illuminates a station, on which my documents sit, printed, ready for approval. I look through them carefully, and see that the colour is fine, and everything is ready to go. Jake asks me to sign some papers, leaning over, accidentally touching my arm, and hands me a pen. There is a silence, while I sign the papers. The silence lasts a little longer than it should. I look at him, and say, "I thought I knew you, but I realize it was your twin brother, Blake."

Jake looks away from my eye contact. He looks down. He's embarassed. Silence. He doesn't say anything.

I'm silent also, because I don't know how to deal with this situation. I'm so bloody horny, and yes, I'd like to unzip those baggy jeans of his and give him an excellent blow job on his huge and majorly hung dick. I don't know what to say. I'm in a dangerous situation. I'm with some straight guy, and I've had sex with his twin brother, and he's my printer, and, and, and... Even though this guy isn't Vancouver-beautiful, not well dressed, his haircut is awful, his clothing from a farm, I am so horned out, and he looks so hot to me. And plus, the poor Lethbridge guy deserves a good blow job.

I don't say anything. I hesitate, then go for it. I unzip his baggy, formless jeans, furtively. I'm too afraid to look at his face. And thank God, he doesn't stop me. And "boing" - just like his twin brother Blake, he's already semi-hard, huge, thick and hung. My mouth envelopes his semi-hard dick. The interesting thing with very large guys is that when they're semi-hard, their dick still has weight. I wrap my lips around the head of his cock, then pull forward, to draw more of his semi-hard cock into my mouth. I do this a few times, until he gets harder. He's big. He's as long as BC, but not quite as thick, but almost.

Choking on his big dick, I give him my expert blow job (see previous posts). He's no longer "Jake" - he's not even "Blake" - he's a big fat honking pre-cum leaking fucking hot stud.

So I blew him, the twin brother. I knew I'd done something bad, so I feel deeply guilty. Yet I felt so good.

So that's my fantasy. Iis it real? I'll leave that up to you, readers.

Culture Shock

The first impressions I've had about Lethbridge, after 5 years of absence:

1. Britney Spears. Nearly all the women are blond in Lethbridge, and they all have Britney Spears hairstyles. After sleeping poorly for a day after arriving, I was forced to go to Park Place Mall with my mother and sister G. to go shopping at "Winners" - a discount store that carries everything from men and women's clothing to housewares. I'd never been to one before. Having been in Vancouver for so long, I'd completely forgotten how homogenized Lethbridge is. There are few ethnic people here but they are rare, and when they appear, they stand out as if they are holding blazing neon signs that flash "I'm ethnic." So going to the mall was very strange. I felt like I was in the United States in some backward town in Ohio.

There are so many blond people here, all with the same colour of blond and same hairstyles that I'm unable to differentiate them from one another. The reason I kept noticing blond women is that they all looked like one of my three sisters - who are all blond with blue or green eyes. In Vancouver, my sisters would stand out, because they're so blond. In Lethbridge, everyone looks like them! So I kept thinking - "Oh, there's G. Oh, there's M. Oh, there's J." But they were just one of hundreds of blond girls that look like my sisters, with the same haircuts.

The hairstylists in Lethbridge obviously learn the same techniques and use the same bleach and haircolouring on every blond Dutch, German, Scandanavian and Mormon girl in Southern Alberta! They all have long blond hair, permed (I don't think anyone in Vancouver gets a perm - please let me know. I was of the impression that perms died out about 10-20 years ago?) Then, if they have their hair permed, they use straightening formulas and gadgets if they want a different look.

Normally don't notice hairstyles or hair colours or hair on women whatsoever! I could care less. But in Lethbridge, seeing the same thing on every female made me aware of female hair. On New Year's Eve, I was at my sister G.'s house, and she was using a flattening curling iron on her highlighted bleached blond hair, and asked me to get the back of it with the iron. I just don't get it. I never had any blond girlfriends in Vancouver, and I doubt that any of them ever got their hair permed. It was totally creepy. It's almost as if every female has been inducted into some kind of blond, permed, Britney Spears cult. When I lived in Vancouver, I thought Britney Spears was cute. But imagine an entire city of Britney Spears, and you'll understand my shock of Lethbridge.

2. Gigantism. The blond, bleached, Britney Spears females of Lethbridge are also exceedingly tall. I'm not joking. I think there's something weird going on here, and scientists need to check it out. I've never seen so many 6 feet plus females with blond hair anywhere! And they're all 14 years old. My niece is 6' tall and 14. My other niece who's 15 is 6' plus. My parents took me to the All-You-Can-Eat Pizza Hut luncheon special (another very un-Vancouver type restaurant), and we were served by a pretty blond 16 year-old Amazon, at least 6'3". I'm teaching two 13 year olds, who are 6' (female) and 6"2" (male). My brother-in-law grew 5" from ages 20-24, and he is Dutch, blond and so therefore my very tall. My niece and nephews are likely to grow super tall too. I asked my sister "M." why do the Dutch people grow so tall here? She joked, "It's from all the hormones in the Alberta beef."

Some of the men in Lethbridge are hot. I saw this one stud at Winners - only "stud" can fully capture his sexiness. He was a young guy, maybe 23-25, wearing these completely unfashionable tight levis jeans with a bootleg cut. He was wearing cowboy boots. Please! He's not even at a fetish-wear party or a rodeo. But the way his jeans and cowboy boots hugged his sexy big muscular butt and thighs. Holy fuck! And he was walking around proudly, like a buff gay man at a country-western disco party, down the "Winners" aisles. He had a fresh, flawless face, with short blond hair. I bet he was a virgin. That's the thing about Lethbridge - there's so much religion going on, that a lot of these sexy guys are virgins and don't even comprehend the sex-energy they're giving off. And the guy who installed my high speed internet was extremely gorgeous - short buzzed blond hair, tall, athletic. Obviously Dutch (and you know what that means!). But I wouldn't dare come onto anyone here because Lethbridge is such a religious hot bed.

3. Gossip. Everyone here knows everyone else, and everyone loves to gossip. Most conversations people have in Lethbridge are based on gossip. Because the city is so small, and so many people are related to each other (those Dutch and German families here are huge and have hundreds of relatives). Even my parents gossip non-stop. We were driving past a restaurant, and my parents told me the story of the woman who used to go to their church who owned the restaurant with her husband. She worked for a bank, and somehow managed to embezzle like $40,000 from it. She got caught and was charged, and her husband left her and her daughter. This is typical of the stories I hear daily from everyone.

Ever since I arrived, my mother has been complaining about my father's doctor. She can't stand him - he thinks he's a huge narcissist and not a good doctor. I guess he's made some mistakes in treating my father, including renewing prescriptions for him that were incorrect. It didn't make sense to me why she was so angry about him, and why she doesn't like him so much.

So yesterday afternoon after church, she was complaining about my father's doctor again, and she mentioned that after 18 years of marriage, the doctor left his family - his wife and two daughters I believe - and my mother was saying how sad she felt for her daughters - one of them is university age. I asked my mother what his name was. She told me "Dr. P. " Anyway, that name didn't sound familiar to me.

Then my mom said that he and his family used to go to our church. Apparently his wife and kids still do. And that he had caused a huge scandal when he left because he came out as gay.

I nearly dropped my plate when she told me this. I asked her what he looked like and my mom said, "Oh, he's old, and has baggy eyes."

I told her that I think I had heard about Dr. P. from my friend A., because he's dating A.'s boss. I got to hear all about Dr. P. and A.'s boss and their scandalous relationship from A.

Anyway, this freaked her out, and me. It also bothered me because I realized one of the main reasons she doesn't like him is that because he came out as gay and it hurt his family.

Anyway, last night my sister M. and her husband of 20 years came over and we had this huge discussion regarding Dr. P. coming out, and me being gay. I explained to them that no one enjoys coming out, and that I'm sure it was very difficult for him.

At one point M.'s husband asked my mother, sister and father to leave while he shared something with me. He told me at one time in his marriage he started to have thoughts about being with men all the time - sexual thoughts. He was really worried and concerned about it, but then he prayed about it and gave his life up to God, and it hasn't been a problem since.

I nearly shit myself! I kind of think he was making it up, and I told him so. He was serious though. He was suggesting that all I had to do was "give myself up to God" and it may help me too.

I live in such a crazy family! I'm not sure what to think about T.s confession to me. Maybe it's normal for some straight men to go through a period of fantasizing about gay sex?