Saturday, February 05, 2005

It's late on Saturday night, I'm a little drunk, but here it goes, with no apologies:

Question: Suppose BC calls me, after two years, and out of nowhere? What should I say?

It's entirely unlikely that BC will ever call me. In fact, I should drop the question. He has a history of ex-friends and ex-sex-partners calling him, but as far as I know, he never called any "ex" himself. Therefore, this question is moot.

It's assumed BC would never call me after two years because he wasn't as in love with me, as I was with him. When I think back to our relationship, I see he was very disconnected, but continued our relationship mostly because he got something out of it. It wasn't because he felt attached to me. I realize he wasn't in love with me. In fact, I think he used me.

But just in case he calls me, I need to be prepared.

He'd say "hello," and what should I say?

Here's the fast and positive version: "Hi BC, thanks for calling. I appreciate it. You have a good life. Take care. Bye." This would be a positive conversation, in that I'm not blaming him for anything, but also letting him know clearly that I don't want to speak with him again.

Here's the more complicated version: "Hi BC. Why are you calling?" BC would be irritated by this because I'm not playing by his "easy-going" guy-thing. I'm making it his responsibility to explain things, which he doesn't like to do. But this may be the best option. But his answer would be very open-ended and drab, and not help me at all.

He could call me, and say, "Hello." I could hang up immediately, which is probably the wisest decision I ever make.

But I'm thinking....Suppose he's changed. Suppose he has thought about us, how good we were together, and how much he misses me. Suppose he's been with a dozen guys since our relationship (which is likely), and has realized how terrific I am. So he calls me, a changed man. And then, how do I respond?

Do you allow someone a second chance, even when you know better? How do you manage such a call, when he could be the same person (meaning I should hang up on him) or if he has changed (in which I'd need to have a longer conversation with him)?

Who the fuck knows. It probably won't happen anyway, so I don't know why I'm wasting brain cells on the whole issue.

I guess it's a fantasy that he would call, and I simply need to let it go.

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